I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
