I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
