please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
