there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
