1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
