can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
