Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
