Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
