I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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