She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
