I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
