you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
