currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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