I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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