Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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