I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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