It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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