I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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