I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
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Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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