If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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