Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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