dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
