end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
