The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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