it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
