Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
