is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We're too hungover to prance.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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