can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize