The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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