glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize