and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
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I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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