He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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