a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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