I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I have feelings that need drinking.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
