Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
