I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
