yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
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I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
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you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We need to get me chipped asap
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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