i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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