im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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