also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
