discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
