i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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