K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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