Porn is love you can see.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
