Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
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I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize