just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
