What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
high people should be assigned attendants
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
