She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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