My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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