Sry I called you an 8
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
