mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize