Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
