There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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