I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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