Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
