Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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