I'm eating all of the evidence.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
