Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
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I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.