So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up