There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
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All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.