OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear