We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.