FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!