office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
