The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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