i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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