was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
