Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
